I haven't heard from you in months. But you follow me like a ghost, every minute of the day, every second of the night. I see your smile in the reflections of sunlight in the windows, I see the sparkle of your eyes in the dew drops on the leaves. I hear your heart-felt laughter like an endless echo in my brain.
Never in my life have I had to face the fact that I have been so, so wrong about myself. On paper, there is no reason for you to speak to me anymore, no reason for me to think of you anymore. On paper, we're just two people who wanted different things, and we should just move on with our lives. Someone new will come along, surely.
But you and I are not living on a sheet of paper.
I know I let you down. I cannot expect you to overlook that. You needed your space, you needed time. You needed to find someone who can give you all the things I could not.
But it's been months since you've been gone. And now I see, that you were everything.
Today I read your letter. I normally don't have the strength to do so, but today I finally pried it open, gently, reverently. I read it through, folded it, and lifted it to my lips to kiss it, perhaps in the vain hope I would be able to smell your skin once more, but the only fragrance is the dull, pungent smell of time.
I wonder where you are. I wonder if you think of my anymore. I wonder if perhaps in time, you will be able to look back at what we had without the feeling of betrayal and disappointment. I wonder if you will ever think, "he was a good man, maybe I should call him."
I wonder if I will ever be able to let go if you choose not to make that call.
