Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Crushed

I was hoping I wouldn't have to write here again. But Matches Malone never truly goes away.


I haven't spent much time in Park Row of late, because I was trying to reach for the light and trying to rebuild this mess of a life. It has not been easy, but with every step that I clawed my way forward, I could feel myself getting stronger. There were obstacles but I said fuck that, I am going to stand tall and let the cards fall how they may.


It went well for a while, so much so that when someone reached out to me for help, I reached out as well, despite my better judgement. I listened, I sympathised, I comforted, I consoled, I cared.


But it only takes one word from you to tear me down. I am the strongest man in the eyes of my peers. I am honest, I am constant, I am undeterred, I am, of all things, light in a dark world. But one word from you, and I am crushed.


Stubborn determination that is mistaken for strength, is not strength at all.